Scary thought isn't it? Well this is what I thought. I had spent a lifetime collecting things. I was fortunate enough to have help from family to buy my first house and later our family home, life was going as planned for us. We had everything we could have wanted, nice cars, good jobs and the ability to buy anything we needed (and lots of the things we didn’t). So when we were offered the opportunity of investing into a business and taking our life into our own hands, it was obviously going to be great! With a little extra support from family our dreams were quickly becoming a reality. Little did we know that just around the corner was a recession and two newbies to the world of running a business, we were quickly starting to haemorrhage money. This is when life started to come crashing down and the fear of failure really set in. We were not just letting ourselves down, but also our families. I remember those days as a very distant memory now, as this is when I lost control with who I was and what I thought I wanted and became living based on survival. I became desperate, I had mad ideas and lost all sense of me. I had always been someone that lived the life I thought I should be living, so this crisis was actually without me realising it, becoming the very beginning of my journey of enlightenment. So that was it, I became bankrupt and we said goodbye to our house and any money we had, which was very little at this point. Jewellery I had spent good money on over the years, I started to sell and to my amazement discovered it was not worth anything! It was crazy.......I had, had a lifetime of spending my money on things that were now worthless. Why did I need all those things? What help were they to me now?
Stress and every fear I had ever had was very much at the forefront of my mind and so what happened next, illness and dis ease of course! This is when I started to wake up, this is when I realised what I needed to do. Over the next 10 Years I started to let go of my attachment to things and relocating to Mojacar was my moment of complete freedom. Selling pretty much everything we owned gave a huge sense of clearing and releasing attachment to our old baggage. This would have been a huge fear for me back in 2007, but instead was the most enlightening moment of my life.
What we fear is often what we actually need to embrace to take a step forward and I was finally appreciating that. I failed everyone and felt like I had nothing to offer the world anymore. I was very good at putting a brave face on every day and making out I was coping, but in reality, I was a Mother and I had nothing to show to my children and no home of our own. It was so unnecessary to put that pressure on myself. They didn't care where we lived and what we did, they just wanted to be loved and to laugh. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I had to make the change. I had to make myself happy, to make them happy.
When I look back now I see that this was exactly what I needed. I needed to understand that happiness didn't come from things, but from me. I was only failing, if I was choosing to believe I was failing. I was only failing myself!
Life for me now is amazing! I am happier now than I have ever been and I found a passion I may never have found. The biggest change of all is my attachment to things. I no longer catch the sparkle of jewellery in a shop window, I am not a labels or brand girl and I’m certainly not prepared to stack a loft full of rubbish ever again.
So ask yourself, what would happen if you lost everything? Where would you go? What changes would you make? Who knows what’s around the next corner. Let’s not live in fear of what it may be, instead become present and enjoy every little bit of now. Remember, you choose! Every day, you choose! #choosehappiness #beyou
Having nothing actually gave me everything!